Namaste, babies (take two)

Today I concluded my yoga intensive (it's likely I'll be drinking alcohol again soon!). It was an amazing last workshop. This week I hit a wall. I was feeling overwhelmed personally and professionally. And I used this to repeat the comfortable but unproductive message: I'm not worthy. I ditched Tuesday's class telling myself I was tired. I was a little tired but mostly I was afraid.

In the previous session I failed when I attempted a handstand. My shoulder was tweaky and I was terrified. Looking at everyone stand on their hands with ease got me to thinking "Handstands are something others do but not me". Today was the last session so I felt compelled to go. I silently prayed that I wouldn't have to try to stand on my hands again.

I tried to hide in the back corner of the room and look busy when the handstand series started. Anna came over to me and said "Ready to give it a try?" I couldn't say no. I told her I was afraid. She responded "I have loads of experience. You can feel safe. I've got you". I tittered (Anna's got me!) and assumed downward dog, pointed and straightened my right leg and toe, kicked back strong and stood on my hands. Anna did as she promised: she kept me erect and instructed me to lengthen my breath. I stood on my hands for ten extended inhalations and exhalations. I felt my toes, my knees, my thighs, my belly, my rib cage and finally I brought my breath to my shoulders. When I exhausted myself I set myself down.

It was an amazing feeling! Thinking back I realize I forgot to see. All of senses were focused inside with my breath. When the class concluded I caught Anna's eye and mouthed the words "Thank you" and she said out loud "Congratulations, on your handstand". I did a handstand. I did it! Namaste, babies.